That damned test is coming up...

Dear Loyal and Semi-Rabid Fans,


So the first Chartered Financial Analyst examination is coming up on December 4th, and time is running out for this ol' codger. I'm starting to get really nervous, because this is a lot of material to absorb, and I don't feel particular confident in my mastery of it. In fact, I'm starting to freak out a little bit:





Yeah, just like that. Startingly enough, this expression is similar to the one I expressed when my little god-sister/cousin-thrice-removed Ariel decided to kick me hard in the shin and take a picture at the same time. (And in fact, it is.)


Ah, and in case you were wondering, this is her. Ariel, that is:




If she looks like she's high as a kite, it's because she is, and that's the spoon we use to bake the coke, coppers.

It's okay though, because drug use runs in our family. Witness exhibit B:





That's my brother Hubert after three vials of the crack-baby crack, baby. And now we come to the mastermind of the operation, the raison d'etre of this street operation:



Good God. It's alive.

Okay, in all seriousness (and obviousness, if that's a real word), there's no crazy coke binge. If you're worried because this is the second straight drug-high related post, it's because drug jokes are funny, and pictures of Asian people looking high are funnier. By the way, that last picture is a snapshot of my best friend Ian, and we were all just messing around at the Majestic Buffet last weekend. Great buffet, and that actually brings me to a specific rant:


I want to touch on the concept of "buffet names" for a moment. (This is your daily dose of banality here, folks.) In other words, what gets me about buffets nowadays is the utter lack of imagination that goes into the naming process. Once you've heard of one buffet name, you've heard them all, right?

I mean, for Christ's sake, we have the East China Buffet, Great Wall Buffet, Great Eastern Buffet, China Wok Buffet, Great Wall of China Buffet, Emperors Buffet, Heavenly Buffet, Shanghai Buffet, Golden Dragon Buffet, Great Emperor's Shanghai Wall of Eastern China Buffetarggghhhhhhhh!!! Yes, we get it, you're an Asian-themed buffet, and you all serve the same bloody food!

You got that? It's simple marketing logic here, restaurant owners. If you all are producing the same basic product, you need to differentiate yourself through your brand name. Otherwise, it would be like taking all the supermarkets around the country and rebranding them with names like "Food Supermarket", "New Jersey Supermarket", "Local Supermarket", "Supermarket of East Bumblefuck", and etc. Ever heard of Minado? Exactly. Follow their lead, please.

If you're going for the Asian theme, you might as well go all out and start throwing together words that shouldn't belong together. "Golden Wok Monkey Buffet", "Godzilla Sushi Stir-Fry Buffet", or even better, "The Frying Dragon Buffet" (which nets you that double-your-pleasure dose of humor, because it works even with a Chinese accent)!

Then again, I kind of like the name "Majestic Buffet". It's like they decided,"Hey, screw all the conservative names, we're better than that! We live on a higher plane of consciousness, we are the descendants of the Heavenly Bounty, we are friggin' Majestic." And then they swathed the entire building in fake marble and threw up a bunch of Ionian columns. Awesome.

In conclusion, I would like to note that everytime I say "Golden Wok Monkey", it sounds kinda dirty, and consequently, I start giggling like a 3rd grader. In fact, from now on, anyone that makes a good dirty joke in my presence will be called a Golden Wok Monkey.

Now that I've added to your burdgeoning wisdom, I think I'll go get a snack.

Will is out.

Toodles,

Willer