Deep Thoughts after a Glass of Red Wine, by Wilson Lin

Garrulous Thought #1:

Nothing gets me drunk faster than red wine. I honestly do not know why this is, but it is why I never have more than a glass of red wine in any sitting. I can pound down 6 glasses of Guinness and feel absolutely nothing. 4 or 5 shots of 151, and I'm still sitting handsome. But ask me to throw down a glass of red wine in under 5 minutes, and I'll be the most honest man you'll ever meet for the rest of the night. It is like injecting truth serum right into that little space between your toes, just like any good junkie.

Of course, if my brothers happen to be around, I'll likely launch into an annoying wail about how I'm setting a bad example for those blokes, and that I'm not doing a good job as their big brother. You are forewarned.

Well, then again, maybe not. We Lin brothers...well...we can take in a lot of alcohol. I've witnessed their intestinal fortitude (or rather, [insert fancy medical term for liver] fortitude) firsthand, and I've heard enough of their exploits to know that we likely could pound out three cases worth of Taiwan beer and still remain sober enough to run down the streets of Taipei while flexing our biceps manfully, thereby reducing all those skinny Taiwanese chaps into little mounds of quivering pudding from the sight of our American-Dairy-bred muscles.

So maybe, just maybe, the next time you manage to get me drunk in the presence of my brothers, you might bear witness to such stupendous flexing-of-muscles, as opposed to just hearing me lament about the state of my morality. I'm sure you're all quivering in anticipation.

Loquacious Thought #2:

Love is a very, very strange thing. Hell, let me take it back a few steps. How many of you have ever that electric buzz from meeting someone really interesting? Isn't it a wonderful feeling? The best part of it is the internal excitement that builds up from wanting to know what could come of it. It's all about the hope, you see.

I have to tell ya, I didn't think I'd really get a chance to feel that sort of "hope" again so soon after my last big-time relationship. But see that? I used the word "soon", but in reality, my perspective is all skewed. It's been two years since my ex and I broke up. Two years! You'd think I would be more than ready to get myself back into the game again! And it's not as if I'm still holding on at all - I was over her over a year ago, and we still remain on good terms. It's hard to ask for more than that, really.

It's mostly because I made a resolution, my own miniturized version of the Declaration of Independence, to really learn how to take care of myself first. If there's anything I've learned from past relationships, anything at all, it's that one must love oneself first before they can truly appreciate the love from someone else. You hear that silly cliche all the time, but it's not until you've sorted yourself through some rough times that you understand the truth of it. It's a fucking axiom, really. Think about it - if you're knee-deep in with someone who tells you that they love you true, it's very difficult to appreciate how wonderful that is if you constantly undercut that feeling with your own notions of inadequacy.

"How can she really love a schmuck like me?"

"I don't deserve this!"

"There are so many things wrong with me, this can't be true!"

Looking back, I find those thoughts to be incredibly..oh, I don't know...emo, for the lack of a better term. It's immature thinking. I am of the firm belief now that once you have the confidence to stand on your own two feet as an actualized individual, everything else will fall into place. Don't be afraid to stand up for your beliefs in any situation! There is a strong nobility in one's unique individulism, in one's humanity. It's only when you've peeled away the layers to express that truth within you that you can expect the same level of reciprocative honesty in a relationship. I know it sounds all New-Agey - as if I were smoking pot and balancing on one foot in a complicated yoga position while spouting these little tidbits of supposed wisdom - but it's what I believe, so take it however you will. It's my really fucking long way of saying "be yourself". You'll have plenty of time to learn how to compromise once you've found the right person.

Anyways, I'm slowly rebuilding that confidence again. I wanted to finish my undergrad degree. ( Check.) I wanted to get a decent full-time job and move into my own place. (Forseeable within the year.) I wanted to have some preliminary plan in place (whoo, alliteration!) in regards to my future. (Heavily leaning towards MBA.) It's all starting to come together, and boy, does it feel good. I know what I want, you see. I'm not a very ambitious man. It's simply not in my nature. I have always valued my personal life over my career ambitions. I want to find the right girl, and raise a family. I would be very happy toiling away at a middle-management position as long as it afforded me the means to support my burdgeoning family. I'd be happy supporting my wife if she wanted to put in the long hours to shoot to the top of the company ladder. I don't have any desire to be super-rich - I don't want my kids to be raised with a silver spoon in their mouths. I feel that there's an honesty to be found in the middle-class, because you get to appreciate the integrity of the blue-collar work ethic while still creating more opportunities for advancement. (And I don't necessarily mean career-wise, either.) I view it all as a means to an end, with the end being a wonderful social life, filled with love and laughter and likely a large cellar full of good wine futures.

The world isn't full of roses and talcum-powder-smelling baby bottoms, but damned if I'm not going to carve out my own little Eden inside of it.

Furthermore, with all this talk of finding the "right" girl, I now have a strong idea of what I'm looking for in a woman. Oh hell, I know what I want in a woman. I'm not going to delve any further because, well, my buzz is wearing off, and I just might start saying some silly things that'll likely get me in trouble later on. If anything, I'm incredibly thankful for having experienced First Love, because that experience has molded me to be ready for the real deal.




Oh geez, look at all of this text. What an utter mess. I think I will have to consult the little red book before I go on another extended blog post - otherwise, Chuck won't be very happy. (Heh, there's only one person in the entire world who would get this reference.)

Anyways, peace out.